Hi Sunny,
Hope you are doing well and I need some suggestions from you.
We r expecting a baby by next year April and actually we wanted Buddy to experience the phase ( baby growing in womb) that we r going through as of now. But unfortunately due to some personal problems Rohini cannot stay here in Delhi as it is difficult for us to manage things without any family support and no one can come to Delhi and stay with us and help Rohini. So she went to hometown and she will be back to Delhi after 6 months of delivery. So it will be around in the month of October or November 2022.
Now we have few things in our minds and looking for answers.
1. Is it ok for Buddy to stay with in Delhi without Rohini till November 2022?
2. Since Rohini will be coming to Delhi with baby after one year how Buddy will be taking that?
3. What we can do to make this phase comfortable to Buddy?
4. Should I take Buddy to Rohini’s place( Jalandhar ) to let him experience or feel the baby in womb.
Please take your time and it would be helpful for us if we can get answers for these.
Hi,
That is amazing. Congratulations guys, I am super happy for you all.
Let’s answer your questions:
1. Is it ok for Buddy to stay with in Delhi without Rohini till November 2022?
Yes, that’s completely cool.
2. Since Rohini will be coming to Delhi with baby after one year how Buddy will be taking that?
It depends on how you are preparing him. I will talk about the process below.
3. What we can do to make this phase comfortable to Buddy?
You can start following the process that I will mention after addressing your questions.
4. Should I take Buddy to Rohini’s place( Jalandhar ) to let him experience or feel the baby in womb.
It is not needed but if you want to experience how he will behave then you can, only if you are comfortable.
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Now let’s talk about the process:
If we observe dogs in their natural habitat then we can learn a lot about their behaviour around the time when new pack members(puppies) are about to come.
The female dog during the pregnancy starts creating distance from other pack members, she doesn’t allow most dogs(male or female) to come near her without her permission.
She starts making her den and creates a boundary with her assertiveness and don’t let any dog come near that boundary as well, she instinctively knows that when the puppies are here, they will create a lot of curiosity in other dogs and other dogs might hurt them, so she starts creating boundaries before the puppies come.
After delivering the puppies, she doesn’t let other dogs come near them until puppies limbs are developed and they can run and hide.
This way she ensures that the pack gives respect to puppies, an accident doesn’t happen and her puppies remain safe. (Distance means respect in the animal world)
Now how can we integrate this into our world?
Most humans make the mistake of prioritizing affection in the relationship, but the relationship should start from trust, respect, and then affection comes into the picture.
That’s what this process is about, creating trust & respect in Buddy for your baby.
So, starting from today, Buddy’s cannot enter the room where Rohini and the baby will stay in future. It doesn’t mean you have to keep the door locked all the time, but you have to train Buddy to not enter the room even if the room’s door is open.
How to do that?
Whenever you see Buddy entering the room, say NO assertively and if he doesn’t listen then get up calmly, go towards him, hold his collar calmly and guide him out of the room.
No anger, No Frustration, Just calmness and confidence.
Do it as many times as possible, If you can’t supervise at any moment then keep the door locked and get the baby gate installed.
This way we are creating boundaries and creating respect in Buddy for that room.
Now, when it is time for Rohini to come with the baby, keep Buddy at a boarding house or at a friend’s place who can take care of him until you guys settle down, take a day or two or more. The reason is that it can create anxiety and happiness, a lot of emotions will be flowing and that can create a hyper state in Buddy which can bring in more anxiety in the family.
Once you guys settle down then you can bring Buddy after giving him the longest walk possible and don’t think of letting him meet the baby, create some distance first so that respect can enter into the relationship, ask Rohini to not meet with excitement, create distance and give affection only when Buddy is calm.
The meeting will happen eventually but till then just enjoy the formation of a beautiful bond between Buddy and the baby.
I am so happy for you guys. I wish you all the best. Keep me posted and feel free to ask any questions.
